I am struggling with what I want to do in life and what everyone else thinks I should do in life. I follow my heart in everything I do except this college idea. I am in my 3rd year and I still have the same feeling about it that I did when I started. It’s not for me. My heart is telling me to stop and everyone around me is telling me to go.
But what do I want to do if I do not finish college? I want to learn who I am, I want to try out different jobs and learn about what I am good at and what I love. To be honest I know the Lord will always provide and I do not need to turn to college to seek my fortune. I will get what I deserve and what I need in life if I trust in the Lord. I believe that with all of my heart and live by it every day. I have already seen God work in my life and provide for me. Just when I think I’m a little low on money I get a photo session. Just when I thought I could not take my job anymore, Tony took a gamble on me and now he is the best boss I have ever had. Not to mention a great friend. I now have a job that helps cover all my new bills and gives me more hours in an environment I love. I feel like the Lord is not calling me down the path of college and a career. I feel like he is calling me to be a wife, a mother, a partner, and a free spirit. I know this sounds so clique. But if you know me I would have NEVER EVER said that 4 years ago. I wanted a career, I wanted money, and I did not want a family. But that was not what I was supposed to do. When I opened my heart to what God had planned for me and what my heart truly wanted this is what it said.
This being said, I know this is not for everyone and that excites me. I know that God leads everyone down different paths and some people need careers, money, fame, and college.That is what God has planned for them. But I know that God has a simpler plan for me.
Recently my biggest struggle and frustration was, I didn’t think God talked to me. I thought he had abandoned me. I was mad and upset. But then Britton my fiancé said that he thought God was testing me. Because in the time I needed God most I felt like he had left. When in reality he was there and he wanted me to give all my worries to him and quit trying to fix everything by myself. When I let go of my burdens and gave them to God that is when I truly felt his presence. I thought when God talked to you it was this big voice that would be similar to Santa Clause. I’m not sure why, but that is what I always thought His voice would sound like. But it’s not, It’s this feeling. Some may call it your soul or that little voice. But to me it is more than that. When I feel like I’m going down the right path it is the overwhelming feeling that I am doing the right thing and it warms my heart.
I dropped my classes this week and I know it is the best decision for me and I don’t have a single regret. I can always go back if I feel it is what I should do. But right now I need to figure out who Abigail Elizabeth is. Right now she is about to be the life partner to Britton Connor and she is a college dropout who has a passion for photography and a family. She loves being spontaneous and she loves her current job. She is happy and living for Christ. “She is clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future.” –Proverbs 31:25