You deserve love! You deserve to have someone that makes you happy every day. You deserve to be cherished and cuddled. You deserve to love yourself. I see so many people who stay in unhappy relationships or say they are single because no one wants them. They say they don’t deserve to be happy. I’m here to tell you, you deserve it! You are lovable, and love comes in all shapes and sizes. I know because I use to be you!
Relationships are not always butterflies and happy feelings. Relationships are hard, and they should be. You should have to work at it every day. You should be putting 100% effort into it. It is not a 50-50 thing. How would you feel if someone only loved you half the time? Or was only trying half as much as they could? I obviously don’t have all the answers and I do not think I am an expert by any means. But I would love to help anyone who relates to what I am saying.
The other person in your relationship is not there to make you happy 100% of the time and you cannot depend on them to make you feel better about yourself. You have to be okay with yourself before someone else can. I can say this because just like every other girl my age, when I started dating Britton at 17, I thought it was going to be totally different. I thought he was there to make me happy all the time. I thought he would make my self-esteem better and help me love myself because he loved me. Part of that is true. He does make me feel beautiful every day. But that wasn’t enough for me. I had such low self-esteem when we started dating! I was constantly trying to push him away because I felt like I did not deserve him or his kindness. I thought I did not deserve love. I thought I was not good looking enough, I thought I was not smart enough, and I definitely didn’t think I was kind enough. This is an awful feeling to have! When someone is right in front of you telling you how much they love you, and how perfect you are. You can’t even say thanks because you don’t feel like you deserve it. I know how you feel! I have been there. I have been that girl that looks like she has it all put together but is crying inside because she absolutely hates her body and self-image. That was me. In the first stages of our relationship I was constantly a pain in the butt. I know I was. Britton is too nice to say it but I will. I was always downing myself and unhappy. But as time went on and I got older I realized I had been throwing away all the time I could have been cherishing. I was throwing away my relationship and the person standing in front of me. Here I was with the most loving family and a man who loved me no matter what and I was having a freaking pity party! One day I just woke up and said I’m done being this way. I deserve to be loved, I deserve to be happy, and I want to put 100% into this. I’m now at the ripe age of 21. I know, just a baby, but I am finally at a stage in my life where I feel like I truly love myself and the person I am. I love the relationship I am in and I love my life.
Four years ago I would have never told anyone about this. But I have learned so much these past 4 years. I want to share it with the people who feel just like I did. I want you to know I understand you. I am here for you. I am an open book because I needed someone like that at one point in my life. I understand that you have an awesome family just like I did, but you are looking for more. You want to feel accepted and needed by someone that is not your family. But in the back of your mind you know you just need to accept yourself. I understand you think a boy will fix everything. I know that when you are single you think no one likes you and it’s the end of the world. But listen here. That is the perfect time to learn about you. Make goals and reach them. Surround yourself with friends who lift your spirits. Friends are so important! One of the reasons I was able to get out of my pity party was because of my friends. I know I say this all the time but I have the best friends ever! They all send me the sweetest texts that lift my spirits. One in particular, Darya, sends me the most uplifting texts. I cry every time I read them and it is always exactly what I need to hear. She is amazing with words and has the sweetest spirit! If you know someone who feels similar to all of this then be a Darya! Be that person who sends them uplifting texts. Be the encourager! It’s amazing the things you will learn about a person if you just take the time to care about them!
Last thing, I know the hardest thing about not having self-esteem and thinking you do not deserve love is that the people who are right in front of you cannot help you. You have to help yourself. This was the last thing I accepted. I had to make decisions for myself. I could not look for the answers from my Mom or Dad. I needed to grow up and be myself. I know it’s hard for your family to understand, and they are just trying to help. But I am here. I know what you are going through. You just need to do some soul searching and find yourself. I think my biggest fear was, that I was afraid no one would like who Abigail truly was. I thought I would be more accepted as the fake happy Abigail. NOT TRUE!!!!! NOT TRUE AT ALL PEOPLE!!! I have more friends and I am the happiest I have ever been since I accepted who I am and decided I deserved this life! So do it! Be you! Come out of your pity party! Love who you are and let others love you!