The body, heart, and mind.

Life

I have shared every part of my life on here but I have kept pretty quiet about my pregnancy. I talked more about the one I lost than the one that has thrived. I think I was scared to jinx it. But today I feel like opening up about pregnancy. There are so many things no one tells you, good and bad.  There are a million things I want to say about pregnancy. I truly have had an amazing time and it has been on the easier side. But every pregnancy is different and beautiful. I could go through a list of things every woman should buy in the beginning, the things that will happen to your body that just freak you out, and the horror show of emotions. And if you want to know the nasty details, the lists, and insanity that goes along with pregnancy I would love to tell you one on one. (people don’t tell you because I swear you would never get pregnant if people did) But for now I would like to share about the body, heart, and mind.

The body

In the first weeks you can’t wait to see the belly start to grow. It is a reassurance that everything is going good. You stand in the mirror for hours just trying to decide if you have a bump yet. Then a few weeks later you have an official bump. At this point it is cute and still easy to cope with. A few more weeks go by and your first stretch marks show, putting on your shoes gets a little harder, and you keep needing to stop for a breather. But then you start feeling the flutters! The kicks! They are amazing and freaky at the same time. Once again it is another sign of reassurance. But when I hit month 7 I looked like a tiger had attacked my lower belly.  I would stand in the mirror and sob. I would sob for the body I once had. I would cry that my husband would hate my body as much as I did. I felt like I had done everything. I bought the best belly butter out there and had been using it since day one. I stayed on a diet, I stayed active, and never scratched the belly. But little did I know, stretch marks are genetic and I was going to get them no matter what. It took me from month 7 till these last few weeks to understand the beauty in them. I mean don’t get me wrong, it is hard to see them in the mirror and just be okay with it. But I have finally decided that they are not ugly marks, they are beautiful. I am making a human!!! A small little boy is growing inside of me and this is his home. It is okay to be upset about them, its okay to not want them, but sooner or later you have to realize that they are there because you are awesome! My body looks completely different. I won’t go into details but EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT PEOPLE!

The heart

Pregnancy has taught me that you can fall in love over and over again with your husband. Thinking about Britton being a Dad makes my heart so extremely happy. I have loved him since I was just a teenager but now I love him in a whole new way. I have also found a whole new love for my friends. I have had the sweetest texts and calls from friends encouraging me and telling me so many sweet things. I have found so much hope in so many people. After loosing our first pregnancy it was hard to get excited about this one for a while. I just knew something bad would happen. But as time went on the Lord softened my heart and I have fallen in love with this bump that will soon be my son. I can’t imagine how much I will love him when I can actually see him. Pregnancy teaches you not only a whole new self love, but love for others. When people ask me what I am most excited about when Jude is here, I tell them how excited I am to see our family and friends love on him. He will have so many people wrapped around his finger.

The mind

The emotional toll that pregnancy takes on you in unreal. The ups and downs, the tears, the laughs, and the anger. I can be all of these in one day. If I had any advise, it would be to take time to know your emotional triggers. What makes you tick? Mine are repetitive noises, repetitive questions, and big groups of people. I started realizing that right before I would get emotional my face would get super red and my hands would get hot. It was just enough time to step away from what I was doing and take a walk. Like I said before, you will feel love and hate towards your body and that is okay. You will understand one day how amazing this all is. And if you need to cry in the mirror and have a tiny pity party to make yourself feel better. Do it girl!! Another tip, stay away from instagram. I could scroll through the perfect mom bods for days and let it mess with my mind. Remember that you are not them. There is such a thing as photoshop, posing, and good lighting. Do not think you have to look perfect to have a perfect baby. Looking at those photos and dwelling on other people’s bodies won’t get you anywhere.

This journey is beautiful, nerve wracking, and amazing. I would love to speak with any woman who is pregnant or thinking about being pregnant. I will share as many details as you would like to know. We have to all stick together in this. I have been on the side on struggle, loss, and no hope. But I have also been on the side of new hope, happiness, and love. Remember that every pregnancy is different and every woman is different. Do not compare yourself to other women. Everyone has to take their own journey.

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